Today’s post is brought to you by Roxxxy, one man’s answer to the social inadequacies of computer scientists everywhere. To some men (complete freak show loser men), she might seem like the perfect woman: She's a willowy 5 feet 7 and 120 pounds. “She'll chat with you endlessly about your interests. And she'll have sex whenever you please” -- as long as her battery doesn't run out. Because it is a battery powered sex robot! Meet Roxxxy, who may be the world's most sophisticated talking female robot. For $7,000, she's all yours. Really? It’s come to this? To invest $7000 dollars in a sex toy is paramount to admiting that you will NEVER have a real girlfriend ... EVER! You could buy a nice car for $7000, a new wardrobe, take socialization classes, get plastic surgery, take hygiene classes, get your teeth fixed ... you could be one step closer to a real relationship with a real woman ... or you could decend to the deepest depths of self loathing and spend the rest of you life having sex with a freaky looking talking robot. Thanks to inventor (and very lonely freak) Douglas Hines, it’s up to you.
In morons with guns news, a 25-year-old man has been sentenced to 61 years in prison for fatally shooting a landscaper over some grass clippings that landed on him as he was walking by. Yes, a man was walking down the street and grass touched him, and this prompted him to shoot a human being to death. Not to be out done, Florida had to weigh in on this ... in central Florida five people have been shot after a man confronted four teens trespassing in his backyard. Police say the shooting happened Sunday afternoon when a 26-year-old man confronted the teens at his home in Cocoa and told them the leave. When the teens challenged the man, he shot them. The resident was also shot in the back during the confrontation. I’m not sure which side I’m on here, I don’t think that 4 armed teenagers should be allowed to be in my backyard ... and I think it’s stupid to confront 4 armed teenagers in my backyard ... so everybody got shot ... let that be a lesson to you. I’m not sure what the lesson is, but we can all learn something ... I think. Maybe the lesson is that 911 is your friend.
In washed-up-has-been news, Rip Torn (for those of you born anytime recently, Rip Torn was once a comedian) was so intoxicated when he broke into a Connecticut bank carrying a loaded gun that he thought he was home, taking off his hat and boots and leaving them by the door, according to court records. Alright, I’m going to argue that he still is a comedian, what’s funnier than getting drunk, getting a gun and trying to break into a bank through a window in the middle of the night? How about getting caught and claiming that you were SO drunk that you thought it was your house. Good one Rip, armed drunk people are always trying to break into their own houses ... Rip made bail and entered rehab ... can you be a bank robbery addict?
Tonight we close with state sponsored terrorism news. Do you remember Lybia? Does the name Colonel Kadaffi ring a bell? No? Lybia invented state sponsored terrorism when they backed the guys that blew a airline out of the sky over Lockerbie, Scotland in 1988. Pan Am flight 103 ended with 270 innocent dead and now Russia has decided, in their infinite wisdom, to supply Libya with small-arms and other weapons to the value of $1.8 billion Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has announced. Mr Putin gave no further details. However, according to a military diplomatic source quoted earlier by Russian news agencies, the deal included fighter aircraft, tanks and a sophisticated air defense system. That’s fantastic! I love it when crazy dictators have sophisticated military weapons. I’m sure that nothing can possibly go wrong with this deal ... maybe we can sell $1.56 trillion worth of weapons to Bin Laden, balance the budget, fix our unemployment problem and guarantee a well armed enemy to fight for another century ... it’s worth looking into, don’t you think?
Happy Monday!
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