Kid Takes over JFK, Greece is Broke and Betty White is Dead?

Today’s post is brought to you by the International Olympic Committee and the European Union, who both apparently hate Greece. After Greece was conned into hosting the Olympic games for the sake of some sort of nostalgic ancient Greece moment, and the global economy collapsed leaving Greece between a rock and an Olympic sized debt ... the EU swooped in and demanded that Greece cut their national debt in order to remain a member state. So Greece announced today that they have cut spending and raised taxes ... and the unemployed people of Greece cheered because they enjoyed hosting the Olympics so much that they want to pay extra taxes FOREVER.

In celebrity news, Betty White (from the Golden Girls) died Tuesday. No, I’m kidding, she’s fine. No, really, she’s dead. Drug overdose. It’s tragic. No, she’s alive and well ... or ...a website called “Oh No They Didn't” posted a screenshot of what appeared to be a TMZ story stating that Betty White had died of a drug overdose and foul play. And it hit all the major news networks. It’s nice to know that the legitimate news outlets use gossip spoofing websites’ parody bits spoofing other gossip sites to get their information. Tonight on NBC Nightly News “This just in, The Onion reports the Nancy Pelosi has climbed to the top of the capital dome and is refusing to come down ... more at eleven.” Oh, and Betty White is fine .... really.

Following Vice President Gore’s lead from yesterday, President Obama is also ignoring facts and the desires of the American people and today urged Congress to schedule a vote on health care reform in the "next few weeks," declaring Wednesday that it's "time to make a decision" on the package. The president described the “bipartisan” summit held last week in Washington (the one where he ignored everyone who disagreed with him and talked a lot and accused Sen McCain of campaigning) as the last leg of the health care reform debate. He said all arguments have been exhausted and that Congress owes the American people a final "up-or-down" vote. "We can't just give up because the politics are hard. I know there's a fascination, bordering on obsession, in this media town about what passing health insurance reform would mean for the next election and the one after that. ... I will leave it to others to sift through the politics. Because that's not what this is about. That's not why we're here," Obama said. "They are waiting for us to act. ... I do not know how this plays politically, but I know it's right." I assume by “they” he means us. And if he know that “they” are going to vote all of his friends out of office if he passes this, how is it possible that the same “they” want them to act? Well, I want all of them to act ... I want them to act like responsible adults who know that all the money they are spending ($50,000 for flowers in Rep. Pelosi’s office) does not actually belong to them ... I want them to act like they serve at the pleasure of the people ... I do not want them to act like the treasury is a bottomless pit and I do not want them to act like they know what’s best for us, we’re just too stupid to know what we want.

The following is an excerpt form a transcript recorded in the JFK air traffic control tower. I tried to post the audio (I tried to figure out how to post it here because it’s priceless, but alas I am a techno-idiot). So, the gist of this is it’s a little kid, in the tower, talking to airplanes on the runway, and they’re talking back.

Child: "Jet Blue 171, clear for takeoff."

Pilot: "Clear for takeoff, Jet Blue 171."

Child: "Jet Blue 171, contact departure."

Pilot: "Over to departure, Jet Blue 171, awesome job."

Child: "Aeromex 403, contact departure, Adios."

Pilot: "Contact departure, Aeromexico 403, Adios."

The story everyone else is running is the terrible things that could have happened. "How dare they let a child in the tower? Don’t they know what could have happened?" And on and on and on. I say NO! That child was perfectly competent ... what’s my proof? He spoke to the Mexican pilot in Spanish. Did you catch it? He never missed a beat, that kid (whoever he is) is at the top of his game! I agree with Jet Blue 171, awesome job junior!

Happy Wednesday!