Today's post is brought to you by "Gotcha!" a new board game invented by your government. It's a great game, you'll love it, and here's how it works; you wait until one of your opponents says something that they shouldn't and then you go to every media outlet available and tell the world that they are bad people and that their comment proves it and that they should resign from their job in politics. Gotcha! And then one of your friends says something that they shouldn't and your opponents go to every media outlet available and ... Gotcha!
1. So Senator Harry Reid said that President Obama made a good candidate because he was light skinned and did not talk with a "Negro dialect" ... and let's get this straight, what the Senator from Nevada was saying is that a dark skinned man who doesn’t "talk white" is unelectable. I do not like Harry Reid, but he's not lying ... how does Rev. Sharpton do in national elections, Jesse Jackson? So the Republicans come out and say he should resign from the senate because ... (no, not for what he said) former Senator Trent Lott. Gotcha! Eight years ago Trent Lott was majority leader of the Senate and went to Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party and told Strom that the country would have been a better place if he had been elected President in 1948. ***Quick history lesson; Strom Thurmond invented racist old white guy and then ran in 1948 as a pro segregation democrat "Dixie-crat".*** So when news of this terrible remark reached the ears of the saintly Democrats they insisted he resign by going on TV and telling the world that Trent Lott wanted to segregate America and that he was a racist, and they did it all day every day until two weeks late they got their wish. So now the Republicans are trying to say that the two are the same and that Reid should be forced to resign as well. First of all, the two are NOT the same, Senator Trent Lott told a senile old man that he would have been a great president 54 years after the fact, and Strom was shocked because he thought that he WAS the president. Senator Harry Reid said that America would not elect a black man that the white people couldn't identify with ... except he's old and an idiot and he said the word "Negro". Neither of them should resign for that! Lying to old people and telling them that they were great is what you do, everyone does that! I do that and it does not mean that i'm bad at my job. Harry Reid told the truth and that DOES make him bad at his job, he's a politician and they are only considered good at it if they lie really, really well ... so maybe he should resign for telling the truth. I'm sorry, old people say "negro", my grandfather (not a racist) called blacks "colored" and Asians "oriental" because that's what they used to be called in this country by nice people who didn't hate them. There was a time when racists brutally murdered people and got away with it, and non-racists used what is now considered offensive language. Actually Reid should resign because he is a disgrace to this country and is pushing "heath care reform" that doesn't really help anyone except for insurance companies who are going to get a bunch of new customers and then they get to raise our rates. But readers listen to me a second, people say things poorly all the time, you do ... all the time, and you don't talk that much. Imagine if you talked all day without a script and everything you said was recorded and dissected and you could never make a mistake. There is not a racist bone in my body and i guarantee you that if you made me talk all the time and recorded me i would say something stupid with in the first two days. Here's what i say; forgive Senator Reid for his comments and forgive equally the next Republican that says something stupid. Don't use the NAACP to attack one person and defend another. I mean there are actual things going on right now, this health care debacle, a war in Afghanistan, our soldiers are still dying in Iraq, the coming invasion of Yemen, the ice age that has begun in Florida ... we've got real problems that are important!
In crazy Walmart news, the retailer fired one of their greeters after he tried to see a receipt and was punched in the face by the customer/thief. He asked the guy on the way out to show his receipt and the shopper flashed the receipt quickly, the greeter followed him to see the receipt because he suspected that the man stole something, when they got outside the shopper punched the employee in the face before running away and then Walmart fired him because going outside after a shop lifter is against policy. The greeter in question is 69 years old, the assailant was caught and arrested for battery, so the police think that a crime was perpetrated on the old fella, and i agree, but the assault was committed by Walmart. You can't fire an old man who is trying to protect YOUR assets, an old man who was battered in the line of duty. Give the old guy a medal and tel him privately to never do that again. All i know is that if i worked at Walmart i would never check anyone's receipt, In other crazy Walmart news really fat people go to Walmart at night and wear mesh shirts and fishnet stockings and generally make everyone else uncomfortable.
In sports news, athletes cheat! Olympic runners cheat, cyclists cheat, football players cheat, boxers cheat and yes, Mark McGwire cheated! Are you shocked? A baseball player? A baseball player that dominated the time in the history of the game called the STEROID ERA took steroids? Next they'll be telling me that Jose Canseco took steroids ... oh, he did? Well next they'll be telling me that Rafael Palmero took steroids ... oh, he did too? So what you're saying is that all of baseball hit a ton of home runs and that it suddenly stopped when they started testing for steroids and i'm supposed to believe that it's because the players were cheating? Yes, you're supposed to believe it because they were cheating! We knew it at the time, if i'm 10 years old and i realize that there is something wrong with the Oakland Athletics (Canseco, McGwire, Parker, both Hendersons ... ) i really hope that the sports world could see it. They cheat because you want them to, they cheat because a great defensive outfielder that always backs up the throw to second base doesn't get butts in seats, they cheat because you want new world records every Olympics, they cheat because they get paid well to do it, they cheat because they're afraid "the other guy" is doing it. Oh, Barry Bonds was juiced too and so was Lance Armstrong ... i love them both and they were both great ... and they cheated. So don't cry Mark, just tell the truth, "I did it so that i could hit a ton of home runs and be a hero and get paid a ton of money and if i could do it over again i would do the same thing, except that i wouldn't commit perjury in congress, i am sorry about that part."
Happy Monday!
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